Why We Don’t Need to Focus So Much on What People Think of Us: The Power of Self-Validation
Photo by Drop the Label Movement on Unsplash
Let me tell you all… I started letting people have their opinions of me, without me “defending” myself… and guess what?!
Nothing about me changed. Lol.
Maybe my thoughts of the person; maybe not… but nothing about me changed; I was still me.
I was still me. I may have chosen to shed that version of myself at some point. And even in shedding, I was releasing an identity, an aspect of my ego.Because the truth of my essence doesn’t change, just its expression.
WHEN WE REMEMBER WHO WE ARE, THE RULES OF THE GAME OF LIFE CHANGE!
At the end of the day, you have to live with yourself.
If you look around, you’ll notice that everyone is taking a chance, constantly. Making a choice, while holding their breath. Just giving life a go. Whenever, and however they see it is necessary.
And each individual has their values. The beliefs behind why they do what they choose to do.
They have their morals and ideas of how people should behave, and they attempt to live up to these standards.
Now– some of these morals are theirs. Some, they may have adopted from those around them; they are right, and true, because “grandma” said so.
And as they hold themselves to these standards, many may try to hold you to them as well. Attempting to convince you that this is the way; the only way.
BUT LET’S BE CLEAR.
THIS IS SUBJECTIVE.
THIS IS A CHOICE.
THIS IS A PERSPECTIVE.
AND MORE THAN ONE THING CAN BE TRUE AT THE SAME TIME!
When people are judging you, developing opinions about you… they are seeing you from their lens. They are judging you from their perspective.
They are seeing you through the combination of their beliefs, experiences, reflections, conditionings, fears, level of awareness, etc.
It is not them seeing you from a clear, unbiased lens, but very often, from their unique perspective.
YOU DON’T HAVE TO LIVE UP TO THAT.
You don’t have to be pleasing and acceptable to other people.
I love people-watching. And lately, I keep seeing more and more how it’s pointless to try and please people.
If we are constantly in people-pleasing mode, when are we in our truth? When are we reflecting honest versions of ourselves? When are we allowing the Divine/Source to be expressed through us?
photo by @towfiqu999999
I saw a post on Twitter where a guy was comparing two different married couples, judging one of the women’s choices of clothes. Inferring that one of the men was running his household, while the other, the woman was running it.
And whether that’s true or not… I am always curious about why we feel this need to play “the guard” for societal expectations. Why do we want people to “act” for us? To “put on costumes” in certain spaces, for their way of expression to be deemed “okay.”
And then — who the heck do we think we are to attempt to tell others how they should behave? We each have our life, we get to design it how we want… Why are we also attempting to guide other people’s lives in a certain way?!
Now — we know I am the Self-proclaimed Ambassador of Shamelessly Embracing + Living our Truth, so any attack on freedom of expression, I will probably take a double look.
There are way too many people trying to tell other people how to live because they have allowed their environments and spaces to tell them who they are. To tell them what they should believe.
They have given up their autonomy and they believe you should too!
BUT DON’T!
Keep doing you!
No matter what anyone says about you, you are still you.
You are pure consciousness expressed in human form.
You are everything and yet nothing at all.
The reason why you shouldn’t care about what anyone says about you is because, in reality, it really doesn’t change the truth about you.
Their opinions only matter to the extent you allow them.
No matter what anyone says about you, it doesn’t have to bother you; and if it does, that’s a hint to you that you may not be confident in that aspect of who you are.
Even if what they say, you believe is true, “own it.”
Accept it — “So what?!”
What’s the big deal?
Is it something you can change?
Is it something you want to change?
If it’s something you want to change and you’ve just become aware of it — celebrate that sh*t!
Celebrate your awareness and commit to change.
And be shameless about it!
Be kind to yourself… you’re human… we all got some sh*t we’re working out.
It’s part of our journey. Part of being human. Part of remembering our divine essence.
The lens of truth got foggy with all the “shoulds,” “I must,” and “people are watching” rhetoric, that we lose touch with who we truly are.
Many of us were raised in ways that told us what it meant to be humans. We were told how to act, what is acceptable or not, when certain things are acceptable… even the volume of our voice, and how much about ourselves we are allowed to share.
We were provided with this unwritten handbook for being a decent human. And many of us seem to be attempting to keep the expectations alive.
But honestly, you don’t have to.
You can stop allowing people’s opinions to hold so much weight in your life.
And decide to live for your damn Self.
photo by @joshgordon
My point is…You are you. Know who you are at your core. Believe in yourself.
Nothing anyone SAYS can change your truth!
You know you.
Never forget.
And even if your nervous system can’t yet accept it.
Keep holding on to the truth of your essence.
Keep reminding yourself when the self-sabotaging aspect of the ego shows up, and you forget!
REMEMBER YOUR TRUTH.
Keep developing your healthy ego.
Keep loving the different aspects of you.
Be radical in your self-approval.
Fxck what these people have to say. And keep reminding yourself, that what people think of you is not your business, it’s there’s. It is a reflection of their inner world.
As long as you’re at peace with yourself, the outside noise doesn’t have to matter!
Walk in the room, like you know you belong there… and keep that frequency alive!
NOTHING ANYONE SAYS ABOUT YOU IS ABSOLUTE TRUTH.
QUESTION IT ALL, until you get to a place, where nothing anyone says, shifts your internal world.
BECAUSE I WANT TO BE VERY CLEAR:
It’s just their opinion. It’s not a fact!
It’s an opinion that is a reflection of their own beliefs about life and how it all works
Each of us has a different makeup. God designed each of us unique; we are not meant to have the same experience. So what works for one, may not work for another.
People’s opinions of you don’t change your truth, or who you are… KNOW WHO YOU ARE.
The way to stay from being activated or triggered by others’ opinions of you is to know yourself so deeply that nothing rattles your inner world. You can accept the fallible aspects of being human. You can accept that there are parts of you that you have yet to remember. You can see that there may be habits that no longer serve you, but you understand that those habits had a purpose and you don’t have to wish they never existed.
When you know how to be with all of you… even the cringy parts… you realize that people’s opinions are more of a reflection of them than you.
People’s opinions about you are a mixture of their personal values & beliefs, cultural background, past experiences, reflections, conditionings, fears, level of awareness, external influences, etc. Now, if we keep this in mind, it is clear that we can all see things from a different angle; may you choose to always see yourself from a place of love.
At the end of it all– you know your truth. You know what you believe. You know what you feel. You know what you have been through. You know your world, to the extent you do… and so, no one can tell you what it is to be you… you know.
And when new awareness comes in for you… you can be with it. It doesn’t make your past any less real for you.
And despite any shame or guilt, you might feel… you can even embrace that as part of your human experience. You can own it. I remember when I realized there were areas of my life I was insecure… It was so empowering to name it and be at peace with it. And eventually it was no longer an insecurity.
Some people will try to use your insecurities to control you — know your insecurities. When you know your truth, no one can use it to gain power over you — you won’t be trying to hide it, and they will see no power in using it.
When we can accept ourselves, own our shit, no one can use it against us.
If they tell your “secrets,” so what? Maybe it might hurt. But own your shit… you’re still you. Them telling your story says more about them than it does about you. Let them have it.
Stop holding the weight of the world on your shoulders. Know what is your business, and what isn’t.
There is no “wrong decision” when you’re honoring your truth. Even when decisions don’t go as we expected, if you made the best decision you felt was correct at the time, then there is nothing wrong. We get the experiences we need. We know because it’s the one we are having. Life really is happening for us, not to us.
Be your own moral barometer. The goalpost is constantly moving, you must decide what is correct for you; you can’t leave that in other people’s hands. Because what is “justified” and what is not, is subjective, and it depends on who is viewing it and what their beliefs are. Some people will feel you are justified in your response, some will not… and regardless of their opinion, what matters is that you are at peace with yourself. Because you won’t please everyone… so focus on pleasing YOU!
A Practice: When people make a comment about me or say something regarding me, I feel into my body. I see what’s coming up for me… that’s my responsibility. And I always remind myself that, that’s their perspective. Doesn’t matter if the comment is good, bad, selective, or indifferent, I constantly train myself that it doesn’t change my truth.
I’m simply convinced that there is no need to seriously care about what people think of us; be indifferent or unconcerned about it all.
I think what I’ve experienced and what I’ve learned in this lifetime is that people will talk. People will have their opinions, but that’s THEIRS. That has nothing to do with me. That’s not my business until I make it my business. Until I decide to feed it… engage with it.
And I think the same for you… These people who have opinions of your life can not change who you are. They have no power over you unless you give it to them.
Think about your own opinions about people… how much did it matter? How many times have you had an opinion and thought nothing of it, again?
Think about your own experience.