Military to Civilian Transition: 21 Reflections
You enter as one person and separate as an altered version. The wisdom you gain, the lessons you learn, and the experiences you get to be part of, they all impact you. But what happens when the uniform comes off, the dog tags are placed in a box, and the DD 214 becomes your proof of service…
Here’s what I realized when I looked back…
Please note that this article was originally published on my website www.charliiestruth.com, and is now being shared on Medium for a broader audience. Shoutout to previous embodiments of me, for the gems.
During the military-to-civilian transition, many will give advice focused on job placement. But the reality is, you’re not just leaving your job, you’re leaving a lifestyle. Here are 21 lessons from my reflections since separating from the military:
Self-Discovery is going to be the KEY to your civilian life: Had I known the importance of knowing who I am and what I want, I wouldn’t have spent so much time running from my true self. I had spent four years in the military and most of that time it was being complacent and following the rules. At some point, I believe I got disconnected from my true wants and desires, and when I got out, I didn’t take the time to reconnect with myself, I just focused on surviving. Knowing yourself helps you understand what you value and make decisions based on that, as opposed to having the “should” mentality or taking, what appears to be, the easier routes.
Self-awareness can help you adjust: Self-awareness allows for you to know more about yourself and develop good self-esteem. Plus having self-awareness will help you understand other people’s reactions to you. People in the civilian sector may not understand your ways, and you may find their behavior bazaar and a bit unprofessional. So by being more self-aware, you will be able to understand yourself and others better, which can help in relationships and interactions.
The transition doesn’t end on your date of separation: I was so focused on planning my next step that I didn’t think about the fact that adjusting back to civilian life was part of the separation cycle. And that part of the cycle may last longer than one may expect. Truth is, readjusting to civilian life is a long process. It takes time, patience, and lots of self-discovery — so get ready!
Going to school keeps you in the reintegration (adjustment) phase: I got out of the military and I planned to go to school, which is a lot of people’s plan. But what that did for me, was just put my adjustment phase at a standstill. When it hit me that I didn’t have a plan outside of school, meaning what I would do in my career, I realized that I had only been concerned about my fear. I had made a short-term plan that focused on being able to survive outside of the military. And though things did work out for me, knowing that my military separation plan was the easiest scenario and not long-term was a reality check.
The military is a way of life, not just a job: To be honest, it didn’t hit me what I had sacrificed by leaving the military, until about a year later. All I had left behind — the comradery, benefits, values, beliefs, my identity, and the structure. I was spoiled by what the military offered; I had no real worries. But coming back to the civilian lifestyle I had to readjust my mindset and get back in touch with my true self. My experience in the military changed my beliefs and my focus, and it made me look at the world and my place in it differently. I was changing my lifestyle, not just my career.
Your mindset matters: We give meaning to things that we experience in life. How we perceive those things plays a big part in how we will respond. Note that, you can have a very detailed and well-thought-out plan, and things can still go wrong; Sh*t happens in life! But it will be your mindset that matters when it comes to your next steps. If things don’t go as expected and you become sad and negative, if you sit in it long enough, you may fall into depression. This leads me to the next thing…
Whine if you must, but you need to regroup: Don’t beat yourself up when things go in an unexpected direction. Go back to the drawing board, or change the direction, but you don’t necessarily have to change your ultimate goal. There may be times when you are frustrated, tired, and ready to throw in the towel but don’t. Cry it out, journal through it, talk to a friend… but once you have your “ahhhhh” moment, dust yourself off and get ready to make your next power move.
There is no question about whether you are capable of dealing with the hard stuff: The military was a new world that we all had to get used to. We had to do things we didn’t want to do and learn things we may not have been interested in. Regardless of what our feelings were behind it, we made it happen!! We built resilience, discipline, and self-control; these characteristics will help you feel empowered during your transition if you keep them in mind. The transition can be challenging, but you are capable!
Your career is just one of many things that will be different: Seriously, I felt like pre-separation briefings and everyone who spoke to me about my decision to separate, focused on what I would do for a job. I honestly don’t remember anyone telling me about the emotional aspect I may encounter. So I will say, that you may encounter some feelings about your separation. Even if you had the most pleasant experience during your enlistment, for me, it was like leaving a long-term relationship. I went through the 7 grieving stages and many other veterans have shared similar experiences with me. So think about how this change may affect you and your family from an emotional aspect since the ties and mission you had will be different.
Think about your next steps: As I mentioned in #4, by going to school, all I did was think about my next STEP. The obvious things to do during your separation planning are to save money, apply for jobs or school, and get educated and/or certified. But you also want to think about what you truly want! Don’t just take any job that comes your way, get in tune with yourself and figure out what your ultimate career and lifestyle goal is and how you can get there. Having my own experience and talking with other veterans, many of us appeared to have been in emergency mode during our pre-separation planning, and so all we wanted to do was Band-Aid the obvious wound — to get a job or find supplemental income. It seemed clear that not many of us had long-term plans in mind (hence why #1 is important).
Your relationships may change One thing I didn’t think much about was my relationships with my sister and brother-in-arms. I figured that since we still had each other’s contact information we’d keep in touch. The reality was, that once I separated, my relationships changed. No longer did I share in the unique lifestyle of the military, so our conversations changed and our interest in one another’s lives shifted too.
Find your tribe: In the military, we are part of something bigger than ourselves, and it gives us a sense of purpose. Once you are back out into the civilian sector, you may struggle to find your identity. I went to law school, and that world seemed like another unique and exclusive group, which gave me so much comfort. Consider finding a group or network with people where you can find comfort and belonging. There is nothing wrong with needing support as you get your footing.
Get ready to work on your self-discipline: There is no structure in the civilian world; shocker??? In the military we put on a uniform every day to go to work, we were told where we could travel to or what countries were banned, what to do, how to live, how much we should weigh, how fast we should be able to run… like seriously, your life was laid out. Now that you’ve separated, it is up to you to make all of those decisions for yourself, and the issue can become that there are so many OPTIONS! But it will be your responsibility to create your structure, and motivation, and make use of your self-discipline. Just a tip, there will be tons of options, and you may opt out or procrastinate making the tough decision, but not making decisions will hold you back from living your BEST LIFE.
Values in the military and the civilian sector may be a bit different: In the military, we are all about “one team, one family, one fight,” however, the civilian sector may not be that way. The mindset of the civilian and military worlds are different and you must keep this in mind. If you go into the civilian sector shocked about how employees leave by 5 PM, even if the job isn’t done, you may find yourself easily irritated. This may take some getting used to, but I want to just throw this out there because sometimes we forget where we have adopted our values and beliefs.
Health Insurance is not free: SERIOUSLY!!! Now that I am an entrepreneur this reality has hit me. In the military, we go to the doctor for any and everything, without a second thought. Especially when you need quarters…. Yassss! However, in the civilian world, a doctor’s visit may cost you even when you are paying for insurance. Like, there are deductibles, co-pays, and maximum annual limits…. Whaaaatttttt? There is so much to learn about health insurance and it’s best if you take the time to understand enough to find the best insurance for you and your family.
People are resources too: Though I received a lot of documents telling me how to make a resume, and cover letter, and translate my skills to civilian talk, the biggest benefit was my connections. I got my first job out of the military, on a military base, through a friend who was stationed on the East Coast, where I was headed. Stay connected to people, ask for coffee meetings, and don’t shy away from asking for help or information. You never know who will be able to assist you or connect you to what you’re looking for.
Allow your true self to guide you: Don’t feel like you have to go into the corporate world and continue on the path of traditional work. I understand that you need money and to be able to take care of yourself, but listen to your inner self. What are you interested in? What do you want in a career? What tugs at your heartstrings? I am sure this goes to some of the other lessons I learned. But it is by no mistake that studies have found that 75% of veterans leave their first post-military position within two years. So seek out your calling (passion), the answer is in you (Back to #1). YOU DON’T HAVE TO SETTLE.
Don’t go for easy: This ties into #17. Your separation plan may be an easy decision and the quickest one you believe you can make. And you’ll convince yourself that this is what you want because it feels like a guaranteed way to smoothly transition, but really think about it! Whether you do what you really want to do now or 2 years from now, you’ll likely still be nervous about it. I would recommend you just go for your passion now! Do what makes you happy and brings you joy. Choose a plan that you know your WHY to and don’t just focus on what you think you “should” be doing.
Take time for physical activities, recreation, and relaxation: I am sure you’re not going to miss those PT exams, UGH, but I want to encourage you to continue to take care of your body as a whole. Not only does it have great health benefits, but it will play a major role in how you see yourself, how you treat others, and how you feel. Self-care is the best care + Self-love will help alleviate stress.
Ask for help: It’s really that simple — if you find yourself in need, ask for help. I know we are used to roughing it out, but you don’t have to, and you shouldn’t. There are so many organizations for veterans and also, fellow veterans who are readily available to assist you, don’t struggle in silence. Your transition experience will be unique to you and no matter what that experience is, don’t allow your ego to keep you from your greatness; ASK FOR HELP when needed. Don’t make things harder and the process longer than necessary.
Your service matters, OWN IT:Regardless of your experience in the military, know that you’ve gained a lot and have a lot to offer this world. Don’t shy away from your unique experience; in fact, humbly embrace it. We never got paid for what we did, we got paid for what we were willing to do, and what you were willing to do shows bravery, courage, confidence, and strength. You may have to explain during your civilian job search exactly what role you played in the military, be patient, and be willing to help others understand. They may not understand the significance of your job and how it relates to the open position, but you can sell it — Trust me!
Also, go to your VA appointments.
As you embark on this transformative journey, know that your fellow veterans stand in solidarity with you. You have a wealth of experience to offer the world, and your greatness is waiting to unfold. Ask for help when needed, stay resilient, and never underestimate the significance of your service. I am so proud of you…