Dancing to Your Own Tune: Embracing the Freedom in Saying ‘I Don’t Want To’
It’s okay to say “I don’t want to.”
It’s okay to not want to.
Photo by Aditya Saxena on Unsplash
Many times we think what is a necessity for us, is also a necessity for other people. Or what we desire, those around us should also desire.
But what if I said, we all have our individual “necessities.” What if I reminded you that we all are here for a unique experience?
Yesterday I read an article here that talked about how not everyone has a mission; everyone has a purpose, but not everyone has a mission. The writer goes on and mention that a purpose for someone could be that they’re simply here to chill, or merely an observer.
As I read the article I thought about one of my male acquaintances. I remember he mentioned how settled he was with his life. I was shocked that he didn’t want to create more or go for more, but he seemed pretty content and at peace.
He even said to me that he had all he needed and named those needs off.
I was taken aback initially but also understood that this was HIS life.
I believe that if we have our life it’s because God/ Spirit believes we can handle it… so even when people’s lives don’t make sense to me, I trust that they got it. They have everything they need for their journey.
So as I was reading the article, I thought back to my homeboy — maybe he is here to chill. To relax. To be without aiming at some luxurious ‘American Dream.’
Sometimes I’ve seen the potential in people and wanted to encourage them for more… but what if the life they are living is exactly what their soul came here for?!
And what if your desires are unique to you — all of them?
Maybe you like to live off the grid.
You prefer a flip phone.
You rather stay home.
You rather take a pay cut and do work you love.
You don’t enjoy flying.
You desire a walk in the park as a first date.
You don’t like to travel.
You love cooking and prefer to cook for family and friends.
You prefer a trailer over an apartment.
You rather pay for dinner than cook yourself.
You rather live in your van on the road, than be stationary.
You prefer a vest and sweater in the winter, rather than a coat.
Or maybe you’re a 55-year-old woman who loves headbands; wear them!
What if that’s your jam!
What if that’s what your soul is calling you to as an experience?
The article and recollection of my discussion with Homeboy, had me thinking about how we all have needs.
We all have desires.
We all have our idea of what makes someone or something rich.
Or, what we consider luxury.
Or what helps make life feel delicious.
Each person has a unique purpose and definition of fulfillment.
Everyone’s journey is unique, and some may find contentment in simplicity rather than constant striving.
And with this post, I wanted to put out a reminder.
A reminder for me, and a reminder for you….
It is okay to embrace what helps you feel fulfilled even if no one else around you understands it.
Let’s consider encouraging and supporting others in engaging more in what fulfills them no matter how simple, extravagant, or whatever else we perceive it to be.
All of the moments and choices we experience impact us as individuals and influence our experience. Let’s keep choosing to live and create our vision of dope moments.
Photo by Etienne Girardet on Unsplash
Recently, I realized that I don’t enjoy traveling like I used to.
In my mid to late 20’s there was a time when if I did not have a trip planned, with a flight booked within a certain time frame, I would start to feel anxious. I craved traveling and experiencing new places.
Nowadays, I am very aware that the idea of packing feels blah to me, and going through TSA just does not have the same appeal.
I laughed when I noticed it.
These days I am preoccupied with planning weekend getaways using cars, buses, and trains, and I am so excited about it.
Meanwhile — I still have all my jet-setter friends who love to travel and are booking flights, messaging me like, girl where are you?
I feel that this shift is a testament that what brings us joy and fulfillment can change over time. And what we care about and want to engage in has its purpose and season.
The article had my mind connecting things.
Considering the many areas of our experience where we may be living from a place of should, or attempting to convince people that they aren’t doing enough.
I thought about how often people have expectations of me as an attorney, and how they criticize my choice of how I engage with the law.
But the reality is, I can do many things… I don’t want to.
It’s just that; I don’t want to.
Certain things don’t appeal to me. I have my values and I keep them at the center of my life.
And so when I think about wanting more for people, who seem content in their life, I am reminding myself that maybe they don’t want to… and that’s okay.
We can’t do all the things, right?
So why not use the time we are here, living, to do more of what we want to do? More of what we actually enjoy. More of what we care passionately about. More of what we want to experience for the sake of having the experience.
Honoring our individual wants and needs.
Instead of living in ways that others may think we should or we believe we should because of societal expectations.
Or feeding aspects of who we are, in ways we fed who we used to be.
Who are you now? What do you need?
I know there have been plenty of situations when I wondered… “Well, why don’t I want that?” “I should want that, right?”
Mmmm, the answer is … Because and NO!
We all have our needs. We each have our desires, and it doesn’t have to be similar to those around us, or even make sense.
Sometimes the call comes from in the house (your soul) and we don’t know why, but it leads us to something exciting.
Other times we’ll receive an invitation and instantly know that we don’t want to… are you willing to be true to you?!
This is a reminder for us to enjoy life. For us to embrace the things that help life feel that much richer. To say ‘No’ more to things we don’t want to do. To say ‘yes’ more to things we’re open to.
Many things in life are subjective; may you honor your subjective view.
LOVE + DEEP GRATITUDE TO YOU
Thank you for being here.
Photo by Brett Jordan on Unsplash